Red Tears and Phantom Pains
by Yaegashi Yoshiki
Summary: This is a gift fic for Recnamorcen. He requested an Iochi. Basically, Taichi arrives at Odaiba University, only to find that it is much more difficult then he ever imagined. He begins a slow descent into self mutilation. Rated for a reason, although their


A/N: Okay, first off this is a gift fic for Recnamorcen for guessing where I got Iori's birthday from. It was energy's birth date.  
  
Yagami Taichi sighed bitterly as he finished placing the final box into his car. He hated moving away from home, however it was a necessity if he would ever be able to function in college. He had managed in the last two years to pull his GPA up enough to qualify for the entrance exams to Odaiba University and had then somehow managed to score high enough to get chosen for enrollment. Taichi slowly stared at his trunk, as he silently counted off the boxes, making sure there where none missing. He did not want to drive the thirty minutes back to his parent's apartment building just for one errant box.  
  
Tai raised his head, as he heard a short shout from behind him. Peeking into the rear view mirror, he saw his fellow Digidestined racing down the path, hoping to catch him before he left. He smiled as he saw Yamato carrying a small wrapped gift box, while attempting to outrun the others. Yamato managed to reach Tai first as he clapped the now taller brunette on the back. "Congratulations big hair! You finally managed to make it into college ne? I can't believe you managed to get into Odaiba. I heard it was one of the harder entrance exams too, " Yamato whispered as the other Digidestined finally made it to their position. Tai smiled as Yamato shoved the box into his arms. "Merry moving day Taichi-chan," The group exclaimed as Tai chuckled softly.  
  
Tai placed the box gently onto the top of the pile of crates within his trunk, before closing it and spinning around to face his old friends. He took in the group, and noticed that three people where missing. He knew that Hikari wouldn't be there as he had already said goodbye to her several times and had left her when he had exited the apartment. He was surprised however as he noticed that both Iori and Ken where also missing. He shrugged it off however as he walked from friend to friend, receiving a short hug from each. With a final wave he climbed into his car and began the drive away from his former life.  
  
---------(Ichijouji residence)---------  
  
Ken sighed for the third time as he rested his head against the side of the wall. He had been listening to Iori for the last three hours, as the youngest Digidestined revealed the feelings he had been hiding for the past four years. The elder teen looked over his younger friend as he considered what he had just said. "Your sure about this Iori-kun? I mean this is kind of sudden. Although it does explain why you wanted to meet me now. I just never expected something like this from you," as Ken finished he rose from the wall he had been leaning on, and walked over to the shorter man. He placed his hand on Iori's shoulder and gave it a short squeeze. The younger teen looked up and said slowly, "I am sure Ken. It took me four years to realize this wasn't just some stupid crush. Now when I finally figure out how I feel, he goes and moves away! I just don't understand what I am supposed to do about this. If Taichi never comes back," At this. Iori slowly began to break down. Ken swiftly moved over to Iori's side and wrapped the shorter man into his arms.  
  
---------(Odaiba University, 1 Month later)---------  
  
Taichi groaned as he walked through the dimly lit hall of the University's classroom complex. He hated coming to his classes these days. Ever since his first day registering here he had regretted his choice in colleges. He had expected to easily make a name for himself by making captain of the soccer team on campus. This however was not to be, as he found himself quickly passed by for his teammates. Soon, he began to feel less and less happy with the situation and he allowed his body to begin relaxing too much. He skipped practices because he disliked his teammates, then he would skip his own personal practices because he failed to see a point in keeping his skills up when he was hardly placed into the rotation at all. Tai sighed bitterly as he kicked a trashcan he passed. He walked forward a few more feet before he came to his next classroom. The room was darkened, and it was apparent that no one was inside. Checking the surrounding hallways to ensure that no one was coming, he ducked inside the unlit class, and walked to a seat in the rear.  
  
Taichi had taken to sitting in the rear after his first class. He preferred to not draw attention to himself, as he quickly found the college classes to be much more difficult then his former high school. He watched the unlit room in silence as he waited for the first of his classmates to arrive. As he waited Tai began running over the past four weeks in his mind. He remembered his first night in his dorm room in which his dorm mate had unceremoniously thrown him out in the middle of the night when his girlfriend had "unexpectedly shown up". He had taken to sleeping in his car since it was much warmer then the hallway and his dorm mate's girlfriend showed no sing of leaving his room. He fidgeted in the hard plastic seat as he thought about the first day of soccer practice. He had not been able to even touch the ball throughout the practice as the other players proceeded to outmaneuver him. He remembered returning to his car and sobbing himself to sleep after the coach had threatened to take away the scholarship that was currently his only means of support. He groaned as he remembered his coach's threats. He still hadn't managed to do any better and he was about five games away from being cut from the program.  
  
Taichi shivered softly, as he fought off the tears that threatened to begin pouring down his face. He stiffened immediately when he heard the door swing open. Rubbing his eyes he looked towards the entrance then groaned mentally as he saw that the captain of the soccer team had entered the room. "Well if it isn't the team fuck-up himself? Going to cry again Yagami- kun?" The man asked as he mockingly stared at Tai. Tai merely shifted his vision towards the front of the room and ignored the older man. This seemed to only enrage his teammate, as Taichi felt a strong hand land onto his shoulder. He flinched involuntarily as he looked upwards.  
  
His team captain smiled wickedly as he watched the fear slowly creep into Taichi's eyes. "You know if we could just get rid of you, I bet we could find someone much better to add to our team," As he said this he began to squeeze Taichi's arm harder. "I still can't believe the coach let you stay with us after that last game. You really cost us the game since you couldn't even keep the ball for two seconds," The pain began to lace up Tai's shoulder as the older man laid his weight down upon Tai's back and shoulder. As Tai began to struggle slowly, the older man ripped him from his seat and stood Tai in front of him. He laughed softly as he drew back his fist. "I am going to enjoy taking out my frustrations on you. Maybe I can beat you enough to force you to miss the next game? Then you'd be thrown off the team for sure." Taichi gasped, as the air was forcefully ejected from his body.  
  
Tai crumpled under the older man's blows as he tried to protect himself.  
  
---------(Odaiba Junior high)---------  
  
Hida Iori stopped ion his tracks, as he felt a strange lance of pain shoot through his left arm. He stared at the appendage for a few moments till the phantom pain finally subsided. Well, that's odd, He thought as he made his way down the crowded hallway. I wonder how Taichi's doing? I haven't even managed to write him yet. I'm still too afraid that I will forget to whom I am writing to and accidentally reveal to him what I've been feeling lately.   
  
---------(Three hours later, Odaiba University, Dorm building five)---------  
  
Taichi stumbled up the stair to his dorm room. He was comforted by the lack of clothing on the doorknob, as he reached his room. He opened the door and was greeted by a cold dark abyss. He flipped the light switch on and blinked for a few moments, trying to get his now tired eyes to adjust. He had awoken a few minutes ago, out behind the classroom building he had been in. He was in no condition to spend the night in his car, as he had several rather nasty bruises and a probably broken leg. He had managed to limp his way up the five flights of stares to his dorm room's floor, before the pain had begun to force his eyes shut. He was happy to find the apartment-like room empty, as he moved to his bunk bed. He noticed a small note had been taped to the side of his dresser. He ripped the paper off and began to read the quickly scrawled note. "Dear Taichi, Mitsuko wanted to go to a hotel tonight so I guess the dorm's yours for the night. Remember no loud parties! Domizue. " Tai sighed in relief as he realized that he would not have to explain his injuries to his roommate. He settled into his bed, as sleep slowly overwhelmed him.  
  
---------(Three days later)---------  
  
Taichi limped on his now bandaged leg. He had been dreading today, as it was the next game for his soccer team. My team, His mind spoke bitterly, The team that just loves to use me as a punching bag! I should just be labeled comic relief and be done with it, He moved slowly over to the benches, where he was sure he would ride out the whole game. As he watched the teams play for the first half he kept seeing the captain of the team talking in heated whispers to the team coach. Taichi began to wonder what was happening until the coach waved for him to come over. As Tai approached the coach, he was forced to walk past the team captain. The captain leaned into Tai and whispered softly, "Have fun today Yagami. It's your one true chance."  
  
Taichi attempted to smile as he moved away from the older man, but it came off forced. He nodded at the coach as he neared him, and asked what was happening. "Well Tai, for some reason Jimu thinks I should put you in instead of him. I tried to talk him out of it but he seemed adamant." Suddenly, Taichi realized exactly what was happening. He was supposed to play, thus he would aggravate his leg and eventually end up having to quit. Instead Tai began to refuse being placed into the game. Immediately the coach's face fell into one of anger, as he starred at Taichi. "You mean to tell me that after begging me to put you into the last five games... now you suddenly don't want to play? You're going to go out there and I don't care what you have to do, but you will win this game. If you don't play... I won't hesitate to remove your scholarship!"  
  
As Taichi walked out onto the field, he winced softly. His leg was shooting pain steadily up his left side as he watched the other players warm up for the second half. As the game resumed Tai managed to play reasonably well, while also managing to keep his leg from breaking. It was the last three minutes of the game and his team was up by one point. Tai ran towards the opponent's goal, as one of his teammates suddenly flanked him on the left side. Tai's eyes widened as he realized what was happening. He screamed in pain as his teammate kicked him hard in the leg. A brittle snap reverberated around the stadium.  
  
---------(Hida apartment)---------  
  
Iori shot up from his seat, as a searing pain coursed through his left leg. He gave a short scream as the pain began to become overbearing. Iori slowly fainted away, as his O-Kaa-san ran into the room.  
  
---------(Odaiba University, three days later, Taichi's dorm room)---------  
  
Taichi looked up from his bed, as he listened to his roommate making his preparations. His vision was obscured suddenly as a face loomed over his view. "Taichi? I am going now. You have my cell phone number ne? Don't hesitate to call if you need something," With this, his roommate left the dorm room. Tai sighed in happiness as he was finally alone. Over the last few days he had been thinking about the last few months and had begun to form a plan in his mind about exactly what he should do about his current situation. Taichi shifted his weight till he was able to alight from his bed and then moved forward shakily. "Damn cast," he cussed silently as he stalked forward. He finally managed to make it into his kitchenette, and began to rummage in the drawer till he found the object he was looking for. He pulled a small red folding knife out, then shut the drawer. Tai moved carefully back to his bed and sat himself down.  
  
Over the last three days, Taichi had begun to seek the solace he found in self-mutilation. For some reason he couldn't explain, the pain that he had begun to cause himself seemed to actually clear his mind. For the first time since arriving at Odaiba University he was receiving good marks. He chuckled softly as he unfolded the red knife's now crimson blade. If they only knew exactly why my grades have gone up I am sure they would try to stop me, he thought dully, as he began to drag the knife slowly across the top of his upper arm. Taichi sighed softly as he felt the now familiar release of feelings that the pain brought. He watched with dull brown eyes as the blood began to well up in the wound. As the blood finally reached its own damming point, the small pool collapsed and the blood ran down his arm in a small stream. Taichi sighed as the feelings of peace finally began to refill his body.  
  
As Tai allowed himself a second laceration in the same arm, he was jolted into reality by a loud knocking on his door. Sighing in frustration he quickly stuck the knife under his mattress and pulled on a small red sweatband. He rolled the band up to the point of the wound and quickly centered it so that it covered the wound and applied pressure at the same time. He mentally began to think up excuses to rid himself of whoever was at the door, as he slowly pulled it open. He stared in shock for a few moments as he realized who was standing outside his door.  
  
Hida Iori bowed quickly as the still gawking Taichi slowly moved aside to allow him entrance. Iori looked Taichi over for a few moments before quickly leading the older teen to his bed and forcing him to lie down. Iori walked slowly around the elder teen, taking in Taichi's bandaged leg and the sweatband surrounding his upper arm. Iori sighed softly as he sat himself down on the edge of the bed. " Taichi... what happened? How did you end up breaking your leg out there? I thought you knew how to be careful?" "I really don't see how it's your business Iori-san. I didn't ask you to come down here and if your going to berate me over breaking my leg... I don't really need you down here either." "I am not trying to insult or annoy you. I am just worried that something is wrong. I can't really tell you how I am able to... but I think I can actually feel you in pain. I was extremely worried about you so I hopped onto the next train down here. My O-Kaa-san doesn't even know I left... I just threw a note onto her bed this morning," as Iori finished he slowly began to pace the room.  
  
Taichi starred at the younger boy for a few moments. He could not understand why Iori was so worried about him. He had given no outward signs of his breakdown and he was getting rather annoyed at the fact that the younger boy had managed to see through his facade. Taichi sucked in a breath, as he watched Iori looking at his right arm. Tai's hand instinctively went to the spot that he had wounded only a few moments before, as the younger man strode forward. Iori moved with determined speed as he ripped the small sweatband off of Tai's arm. Tai winced in pain at the sudden friction, as Iori took in a shocked breath.  
  
Iori moved backwards a few steeps before starring at Taichi's face. " T-Tai- kun... w-why would you do this to yourself? Don't you understand that there are people here who care about you? Don't you think that hurting yourself is only going to hurt us? " "Why don't you just leave me alone Iori-san?" Tai screamed as he leapt up from his bed. He didn't remember his hurt leg until the weight he had placed on it suddenly forced it to buckle. Tai went tumbling forward, falling head first towards the small table that rested in the center of the room. He shut his eyes tightly as he prepared for the impact. He was shocked when he felt two surprisingly strong arms supporting his weight. Looking up, he came into contact with two hurt green eyes. "Taichi-kun. You've never really understood anything over the past few years have you? You never did seem to comprehend why I spent so much time around Hikari and Miyako. It was because they usually hanged around you. Don't you see that there are people who love you? I am one of them. All I have wanted in the last four years is to be this close to you. To be the one that supports you and allows you to cry. Why can't you understand?"  
  
Tai's eyes grew in shock as the words Iori just said sunk into his system. He began to shake violently as the smaller boy pushed him onto his bed. Tai shuddered as the smaller child slowly laid himself down next to the older boy. Iori slowly reached out and pulled himself over till he and Tai rested chest to chest. The smaller boy buried his face into Tai's chest as tears began to well up in his eyes. "Do you even know how hard it's been over the last four years?" Iori asked between sobs, "I've had to watch as you went out with Sora, and then the countless soccer fans. All I really wanted to do was run into your arms and cry like this. I know you can't ever return my feelings... but I also know that if you were to die... I would too. When your leg broke, I felt it as if I were in your place. I've felt every pain you've had. I don't know why, but I don't want to give it up either. If it means I can be close to you in any way, even abstractly like this, I would go through death itself," At this the short man began to cry bitterly, clutching at the elder man.  
  
Tai simply lay there as the crying Iori began to shake violently, mirroring Tai's earlier state. As he lay their Tai began to run through the last four years in his mind, examining all the times he had been near the younger male. As he watched the thoughts repeat themselves in his mind he began to see all of the things Iori had described to him. Tai began to join Iori as he cried. He wrapped two arms around the smaller boy, and spoke out in a chocked voice, "I'm sorry Io-kun. I never knew. If I had maybe I could have spared both of us all of this pain... Aishiteru Iori-kun."  
  
At his, Iori's head shot up and he turned bleary eyes on Taichi's tear soaked face. "You mean this?" Iori asked timidly. Taichi's answer was to wrap the smaller boy tighter against him, cupping Iori's cheek and drawing him into a deep kiss. Iori gave out a soft shuddering moan as one of his fondest dreams became true.  
  
---------(Five years later)---------  
  
A short man approached his apartment slowly. He could have sworn that he had forgotten something about today. He cast worried green eyes towards the doorknob of his apartment building. He turned the knob slowly and stepped inside. Hida Iori studied the apartment slowly as he expected something to strike out at him. As he moved forward cautiously, his trained ears picked up a sound behind him. He whirled around in time to be swept up in a pair of strong arms. He grunted sharply, as his body was hefted into the air. He smiled up at his captor as he suddenly realized exactly who it was. Taichi Yagami carried his boyfriend swiftly towards their shared bedroom. "I think someone forgot our anniversary." "That's what I've been trying to remember," Iori exclaimed as he was unceremoniously launched onto their shared bed.  
  
Ending A/N: Just a small note, The bit about shared pain is from personal experience. I experienced this with someone I was very close to back when I was in High school. She was similarly into cutting/ suicide, and eventually I was able to convince her to stop. Later however, she managed to complete her mission.  
  
Yoshiki 


End file.
